Me, Myself And Who?
by 666PsychoCheddar999
Summary: There's eleven things you never lock in a room together if you're smart. If you value your continued existence. If you have any plans on seeing tomorrow, there's eleven things you never ever lock in a room together. Me.
1. Care For A Jelly Baby?

Me, Myself and Who?

**This is just a little Whouffle fic that I decided to throw together. Nothing too serious. Just good-hearted fun. Enjoy!**

Chapter One: Care For A Jelly Baby?

"Waah!" squealed the man in the long coat, as he was thrown into the room head-first landing with an 'Oof!' He tore off his blindfold and turned to see who had handled him in such a manner but the door slammed shut behind him before he could catch a glimpse.

"Oy! Let me out!" he yelled, hammering on the door before deciding this was fruitless and instead turning to look at his surroundings.

He was in a small room with a single table and a chair, much akin to an interrogation room, with a long mirror on each wall. It was painted a bland white and the man sat down on the chair, as there was nothing much else to do. This certainly wasn't his first time being kidnapped and it wouldn't be his last, so he figured it was best to wait it out. He checked in the pockets of his long, brown coat for the sonic screwdriver but they had taken it from him, unfortunately.

He placed his feet up on the table and decided to catch some sleep. After a while, he heard the door open again and sat up to see a man in a long scarf get thrown in, landing with a thump on the floor. He too took of his blindfold and turned around as the door slammed shut.

"Hey! You can't do that! And what have you done with Sarah? Well, I'm sure I'll find out soon enough…"

He looked around and saw the man sitting at the table, who was now grinning with delight. He took a small paper bag out of his coat pocket and walked towards the man, copying his grin.

"Well, at least you seem to be happy about this whole situation, my dear fellow! I suppose the only thing to do now is wait for them to let us out. Would you care for a jelly baby?" he asked, thrusting the bag towards the man.

"Oh, yes! I certainly would! I really would care for a jelly baby!" smiled the man, practically giddy with excitement.

"Splendid!" smiled the scarfed man back, as he took one as well and popped it in his mouth.

The two men were quiet for a while, both eating their jelly babies and contemplating whatever thought popped up in their head. The man in the long scarf was about to ask the other why he was staring at him with such amazement, when the door opened once more and a man in a leather jacket, also blindfolded, was thrown in.

The two men watched as he did much the same thing as they did. Tearing off the blindfold, yelling some vague threat at the door and then marching past them to the corner of the room. He began to knock on the walls, checking for any weaknesses.

The man in the long scarf grinned again and strutted over to the man, the other turning his chair around to face them, an even bigger grin adorning his face.

"Hello, there." smiled the scarfed man, holding out the bag of jelly babies to the man in the leather jacket, who didn't even seem to notice him. "Would you care for a jelly baby?"

The man turned around, sighing with irritation and replied, "No, I would not care for a damn jelly…baby." he said, stopping on the last word as he had an epiphany. His face suddenly lit up and he grabbed the hand of the long scarfed man and asked, "And who might you be, sir?"

"The Doctor." replied the other man, a little bit bemused by everyone he had met today grinning ecstatically at him. "And who might you be?"

"He's the Doctor as well, Doctor. And so am I. Hello!" the man in the brown coat said, giving a cheery wave to the other two.

"Blimey!" exclaimed the Fourth, walking over and shaking the Tenth's hand/ "So there are six of me now?"

"Nine, actually!" said the Ninth, walking over to join the other two.

"Ten, actually. I'm next, Doctor." the Tenth corrected the Ninth, who responded by raising his eyebrows in a curious manner.

"Really? How's Rose?" asked the Ninth.

"Spoilers." the Tenth responded with a cheeky wink and then a look of confusion. "Wait. That's a spoiler, as well. Forget I said anything."

The Ninth was about to respond with some insult as to the Tenth's intelligence but before he could, a man with a bowtie and a rather ugly jacket. He tore of his blindfold and turned to the door to do much the same as the other Doctors.

"Yeah, I wouldn't bother, mate. That seems to be about as smart as taking your obviously unaware companion back in time so she can save her father from dying and completely mess up time, destroying the universe." the Tenth advised the new arrival.

"What was that?" the Ninth asked, placing hands on his hips and glaring at the Tenth.

"Nothing." smirked the Tenth.

The Eleventh whipped around to face the three other men in the room, pointing his finger accusatively at the others and marching towards them, a look of anger on his face.

"You three had better tell me exactly what you have done with Amy and Rory or I will use that scarf…that…scarf…." the Eleventh stuttered, as his eyes grew wide.

He looked from one man to the other, his hearts skipping their respective beats as he realized he recognized every last one of them.

"Well," he finally said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "This is going to be fun."


	2. Fashion Sense

Chapter Two: Fashion Sense

**Thank you for all the positive feedback! It really helps motivate me to write more! On with the story!**

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"I assume from your dress sense and the fact you're in here with us that you are also a Doctor?" asked the Fourth, walking to greet the new arrival. "Would you care for a jelly baby?"

"Yeah, go on then." the Eleventh replied, scanning inside the bag. "Red one. Lovely!"

He popped it in his mouth and looked around the room for anything particularly noteworthy. When he concluded there was nothing, he looked at the Tenth and pointed to himself.

"I'm after you. Eleventh, me. One thousand two hundred years old now. I think, anyway."

"Yeah, you look about eleven!" giggled the Ninth, nudging the Tenth and causing a fit of laughter. Even the Fourth giggled a little bit. "And what's with the bowtie? You going to a dinner party?"

"Bowties. Are. Cool." the Eleventh responded through gritted teeth, adjusting his fashionable piece of neckwear. "And you look like you threw that on this morning in the dark. Leather jacket and a shirt! Not exactly going to a great effort, are you?"

"Hey!" responded the Ninth, smoothing down his jacket. "This was given to be by Consort Xtyrom of Pandora 9, I'll have you know!"

"Did she give you your ears as well? Are they for hearing or for picking up Dalek transmissions?" chortled the Tenth, tugging on the Ninth's ears playfully. The Ninth slapped his hand away and was about to make some hurtful comment about his stupid coat when the door opened again and another man was thrown in. One in a very bright coat.

"Oh, god!" groaned the Ninth.

"Why him?" the Tenth whined.

"Here we go…" the Eleventh sighed.

"What? What is it?" asked the Fourth, absent-mindedly munching on a jelly baby. He strolled over to the man as he took of his blindfold and held out the bag for him.

"Another of my future incarnations, I see! Would you care for a jelly baby?"

The man looked at him, eyes rolling as he recognized the Doctor and smacked the bag out of his hand, jelly babies littering the floor.

"Jelly baby? JELLY BABY?! We have been thrown in a cell against our will, possibly to die, and all you can think about is jelly babies? I can't believe I was ever you!"

The Fourth gave a look of utter bewilderment to the other three Doctors, who gave him a look of sympathy. He crouched down and began to pick up the jelly babies littering the floor.

The man marched to the other end of the room and began to check for weaknesses much as the Ninth had done, although in a far more irritated way. Eventually, he concluded there was no way out and instead began to interrogate the three men he didn't recognize.

"Well?" he asked, folding his arms and staring at each one in turn.

"What?" asked the Ninth, returning the stare along with the Tenth. The Eleventh began to wander about the room, as the new man took his place.

"Why are we here then? Is it for money? Is that it? Do you want my remaining regenerations? My head on your trophy case? Hmm? Well, spit it out!"

"You are such an idiot…" grumbled the Tenth, sharing an agreeing look with the Ninth.

"How dare you!" roared the man, eyes boring into the Tenth. "I am the Doctor! Scourge of the Daleks! Predator of the Cybermen! Terror of the Ice Warriors! I will not be spoken to in such a manner!"

"Oh, for god's sake!" exclaimed the Ninth, standing face-to-face with the man now. "Hello, Doctor! Meet the Doctor, the Doctor, the Doctor and, yours truly, the Doctor! Now, shut it!"

The Sixth looked utterly taken aback as the Ninth raged at him, not sure how to react to being spoken to in that manner. He instead decided to insult someone in the room, preferably the man who had just yelled at him.

"Well, I certainly hope you're not a future incarnation of mine! I would hate to have to wear that jacket in any of my bodies, thank you very much!"

"You can hardly talk about coats, mate!" smirked the Tenth, indicating the Sixth's vomit-inducing coat. "Might as well call you Joseph!"

"It makes me stand out! Makes people notice me!" declared the Sixth, spreading his arms wide in a grand fashion.

"You do that well enough on your own!" said the Ninth, imagining the coat on fire and possibly the Sixth with it.

"Don't worry, Doctor! They insulted my fashion sense as well!" called the Eleventh from the other end of the room, as he looked at the rather unremarkable scenery.

"That's because your fashion sense is terrible. And you look about four!" retorted the Sixth, turning his nose up at the bow-tied idiot.

"Bowties are much cooler than whatever you're wearing!" replied the Eleventh, as the Ninth and Tenth nodded in agreement.

The door opened again and another man was thrown in, taking off his blindfold and casting an annoyed look towards the door. He was dressed in a rather large fur coat and a bowtie, much to the Eleventh's joy.

"Blast!" he exclaimed, searching his pockets for something but his face lit up when he found it and he pulled out a recorder.

"Excellent! They didn't take it off me! Well, nothing like a tune to pass the time!"

And every Doctor screamed in unison, "NO!"


	3. Escape Plan

Chapter Three: Escape Plan

**Thank you for all the positive feedback, everyone! And to everyone who favourited or followed this! Seriously, every time I go to my e-mail and see about 50 notifications from FanFiction about this story, it lights up my day. Thanks everyone! Allons-y!**

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"I beg your pardon?" asked the man in the fur coat, holding the recorder just in front of his mouth and looking at the other five men in the room, who all had a look of dread on their faces.

"If you start playing that thing, I will break it over my knee." threatened the Ninth, his threat completely serious.

"Me too." agreed on the other Doctors in unison, apart from the Fourth.

"I won't break it over my knee, old chap! But I will take it away from you as it makes a most ghastly sound. Would you care for a jelly baby?" he said, holding out the bag towards the new man.

"Eurgh. No, thank you. Can't stand jelly babies! Make me feel sick!" grimaced the man, turning his head away from the bag, much to the surprise of everyone else in the room. The Fourth shook his head in a sort of pity for the man as he walked away from him to the other side of the room.

"Well, then," said the man, pocketing his flute and placing his hands on his hips. "Who might all you be, then? I don't suppose any of you know where Jamie and Zoe are?"

"We're Doctors. Or the Doctor, rather." said the Tenth, hands in his pockets. "And, as I recall, you're a Doctor as well."

"Yes, that's right. Wow, there's six of me now?" gasped the Second, walking closer to the men who claimed to be him.

"Eleven, actually. Not everybody's here yet. And may I say, Doctor, I like your choice of neckwear." said the Eleventh, indicating the Second's bowtie.

"Ah! Well, I'm glad you like it so much! I find yours very fetching as well!" replied the Second, smiling at the compliment.

"Bowties are cool!"

"Indeed they are!"

"Well, if you're quite done swapping fashion tips, I think that we need to find a way out of here before we either starve to death or someone just decides to come in here and shoot us." grumbled the Ninth, stepping in between the Eleventh and Second.

"That might be a good idea." said the Tenth, standing up from his seat. "Anybody got their sonic screwdriver?"

There was a few seconds of patting down and checking pockets but eventually, everybody in the room shook their heads.

"Well, what do we do now then?" asked the Tenth, rubbing the back of his head and thinking hard. You could almost hear the cogs turning in the room full of geniuses. It was the Second who finally piped up with an idea.

"I think I might have something!" he called out in delight, as the others all looked over at him. "Why don't we just wait until another of our incarnations is thrown in here and then pounce on the hooligan who's been doing this?"

"That's a terrible idea!" scoffed the Sixth, much to the annoyance of the Second.

"Well, have you got a better idea?" he retorted, folding his arms.

"Yes I have, as a matter of fact!"

"What is it, then?" asked the Fourth, munching on another jelly baby.

"Well, I don't think you deserve to hear it, to be honest! You haven't exactly been very kind to me!"

The Tenth rolled his eyes, shoving the Sixth out of the way and announcing to the room, "Right! I say we go with Number Two's plan! All in favour, say 'Aye'!"

The whole room, apart from the Sixth, echoed the Tenth and made their way over to the piece of wall that would slide up when the next incarnation was dropped in. Eventually, the Sixth swallowed his gargantuan pride and made his way over to join them. All the Doctors crouched down in a semi-circle around the door and waited. And waited. And waited.

"Well, I must admit, this is starting to get a bit tedious." observed the Fourth after about twenty minutes.

"I thought they'd be quicker than this." replied the Tenth. "Can't take that long to round every one of us up."

"Anybody want to bet on who's going to come through next?" asked the Eleventh, in an attempt to pass the time.

"That's hardly fair on me, is it?" retorted the Second, looking at the Eleventh.

"I think it's going to be the one after him." said the Sixth, nodding to the Second. "He was pretty much only ever on Earth. Can't be that hard to pin down."

"Probably right there." agreed the Ninth, looking around at each of them. "How many are we missing now?"

"Umm…" replied the Eleventh, counting in his head. "Five, I think. There's the original, the third, the fifth, the seventh and the eighth. Blimey, remember Grace?"

The Ninth and the Tenth nodded to the Eleventh with sly smiles.

More time went by and the Eleventh checked his watch. It had been about an hour waiting by this door and about two hours since they had been thrown in. He stood up and moved away from the door.

"Come on." he said to the others still at the door. "It's not going to happen any time soon."

The other Doctors sighed in defeat and stood up, following the Eleventh away from the door to come up with another escape plan. The very minute they were the outside of the room, the door slid open and another man rolled in, to the annoyance of every Doctor.

They all sprinted across the room to the door as it slid shut again and began to bang on it, yelling at the top of their lungs and completely ignoring the man who was looking quite curiously at them all.

"LET US OUT!" yelled the Tenth.

"I'M HUNGRY!" screamed the Second.

"I'M BOOOORRREEDDD!" whined the Eleventh loudly.

Eventually, they all turned and looked at the new arrival. A man wearing a piece of celery on his coat, who looked a bit scared at the six men he had just seen screaming at the door.

"Well, um," he began, as the other Doctors tried their best to look not completely insane. "How do you do? I'm the Doctor. Although, I'm not the kind that you fellows probably require, I'm afraid."


	4. Funny Old Business, Time

Chapter Four: Funny Old Business, Time

**Two chapters in one day? :O Lucky you! Geronimo!**

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There was a long pause as the six Doctors, now completely mortified, stood in awkward silence, as the man in the celery looked back at them. Eventually, they all raised their hands and waved them slowly.

"Hi." they all smiled in unison.

"Um…hello." replied the other man, very creeped out now.

"Uh…" began the Tenth, searching for the words which would make him and his other incarnations seem as normal as possible. "We…we were just…asking whoever put us in here…to…to let us out. That's what we were doing."

"Yes, I can see that." replied the man, the sight of the six men with their backs to the door being quite amusing to him. "Any luck?"

"No. Not just yet." the Tenth said, laughing awkwardly to try and kill the mood hanging in the room.

"Well. That's a shame."

"Yeah."

There was another long pause as the Fifth stood there playing with his hands and the others all looked at each other in turn, each one far too terrified to say anything.

"Oh, for god's sake." sighed the Sixth, at last and left the group up against the door to walk over to the man. "I'm the Doctor and so are these idiots. Which, quite frankly, you should have worked out by now. Why are you all by the door still?"

Each Doctor turned to another and tried to come up with some sort of answer but they found none. Each one came away from the door and walked over to the Fifth.

"Nice to meet you, Doctor." said the Eleventh, shaking the Fifth's hand.

"Nice to meet you, as well. How many are there now?" asked the Fifth, looking around at each of the Doctors.

"Eleven." replied the Eleventh, letting go of his hand. "We're still waiting on three of us. Maybe once they're all here, we'll find out why we're here."

"That'd be nice." agreed the Ninth, still hovering near the door for the next incarnation. "I'd like to get back to the TARDIS. I was going to take Rose to Kyoto in 1336. Was gonna be fantastic!"

"Kyoto, 1336? Wasn't that just before Satellite-?" began the Tenth but the Eleventh tapped him on the arm and shook his head in warning. The Tenth got the message and remained quiet.

"Sounds quite nice. Would you care for a jelly baby?" the Fourth said to the Ninth and then asked the Fifth, holding out the bag to him. The Fifth smiled and took one, popping in it his mouth. "In fact, where was everyone in their time streams before they arrived here? You know, just as a point of conversation."

"Martha just called me back. Uh, one of my companions but the one I'm with now is called Donna." said the Tenth, as the others listened. "She called me back to Earth for some reason or another and I was on my way. Next thing I can remember, I'm being thrown in here. Must be some sort of time transporter. Those tend to cause very short 'blanks' when you land. Explains why we can't remember who blindfolded us."

"Yes, I would imagine." said the Fourth, taking the free seat at the table. "I was just about to take Sarah back to Earth after we fought Sutekh. Any of you remember him?"

All the Doctors nodded, remembering the experience, apart from the Second, who said, "Well, I look forward to that adventure!"

"It was great fun," the Fourth smiled at the Second, before continuing with the story. "We were on our way and then next I remember I was being thrown in here, as well. Just like you, Ten. What about you, Five? Where were you off to?"

"Well, I'd was leaving…well, I would say but I've only just regenerated, Four. You understand?" Once the Fourth nodded, the Fifth continued. "Well, I was just in the TARDIS with Adric, Nyssa and Tegan and then, next I knew, I was here. Watching you lot scream at the door."

"Umm…yes." mumbled the Fourth sheepishly, turning to the Second. "What about you, old chap? You needn't worry about spoiling any of us!"

"Yes, I suppose not." replied the Second, thinking about where he had been. "Well, let's see. I was…I was…Tibet! I was in Tibet with the Yeti! And Jamie and Victoria! We had just left and then…well, much the same as you fellows. I ended up here."

"I had been fighting the Cybermen." said the Sixth, without being asked. "Then, I was here."

"How informative." the Ninth sighed, rolling his eyes and then looking at the Eleventh. "What about you, Baby Face? Were where you?"

The Eleventh paused, gave a cocky smile and then announced, "The TARDIS was a woman!"

"What?" the Tenth blurted out.

"You're joking." responded the Ninth.

"Preposterous." snorted the Sixth.

"I'm telling the truth!" said the Eleventh, happy to be the centre of attention. "I don't want to spoil but the TARDIS went inside a woman. It was…great."

Each Doctor were lost inside their own imaginations for a while, before snapping back to reality.

"Well, what now?" asked the Eleventh after a long silence.

Almost right on cue, the door opened next to where the Ninth was and he stepped in front of it.

"Oy! Who are-? OOOF!" the Doctor cried as another man was shoved into him and caused him to topple over. He was wearing a frilled shirt and a green smoking jacket. He took of his blindfold and smiled at the Ninth.

"I'm the Doctor. How do you do, sir?"

"Gerrof!" grunted the Ninth, shoving the other man off him. He jumped to his feet and addressed the other Doctors.

"I saw 'em. I saw who threw him in here."

"Who was it? Spit it out!" demanded the Sixth, moving closer to the Ninth.

The Ninth sighed and replied, "It was UNIT."


	5. A Sort-of Interrogation

Chapter Five: A Sort-of Interrogation

**After this story is finished, I will be doing something…similar to it and related in some way narratively. *Steven Moffat-like sly grin* Stay tuned once the story is over…**

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"UNIT?" asked the Tenth, moving towards Nine. "I don't remember you needing glasses in that body, Doctor, but I can lend you some!"

"Don't get snippy with me, Malcolm Reynolds! I know what I saw!" retorted the Ninth, staring daggers at the Tenth.

"Look, let's calm down, gentlemen!" smiled the Fourth, stepping in between the Ninth and the Tenth, holding out his paper bag. "Jelly baby?"

"NO!" the Ninth and the Tenth replied in unison. The Fourth gave a shrug, took a jelly baby from the bag himself and wandered off to the other side of the room.

"Are you quite sure that it was UNIT? What exactly did you see?" asked the Fifth to the Ninth.

"The door opened and there were troops carrying Three. I recognized the UNIT badges they were wearing, yelled at 'em and then they shoved him into me." explained the Ninth, much to the worry of everyone in the room.

"Um," said the Third, who had not spoken before now. "What are you talking about? Who are all of you? And what's this about UNIT? Would somebody mind filling me in?"

"Don't you worry, Three!" called the Second, making his way through the other Doctors to get to him. "I'll explain it all to you. You see, we have been imprisoned…"

There was a quick pause as the Second began to explain the situation to the Third, which was quickly broken by the Sixth.

"Well, what do we do now?" he demanded to the room, much to the annoyance of every other Doctor. "We have to find a way out of here and confront UNIT!"

"Well, in case you haven't noticed, quite a few of us have tried looking for a way out and none have proved fruitful as of yet. So, here's an idea, Rainbow Dash! SHUT UP!" roared the Ninth, now quite sick of the Sixth's arrogance.

He crossed back over to the piece of wall which slid up and stared at it for a while, trying to find any possible weaknesses. Unfortunately, he found none. He grunted in frustration and kicked the door.

Also unfortunately, he kicked the door just as it slid upwards and he began to overbalance, hopping to stay upright. However, the Ninth was not having very good luck as another man collided with him, sending him to the ground as the door slammed shut.

"Excuse me, my dear fellow!" said the man who had landed on the Ninth, using his umbrella to help himself up and looking around the room.

The Ninth jumped up, brushing down his leather jacket and marching to the other end of the room and as far away from the new arrival as he could, past the sniggering Tenth and Eleventh.

"Well, this does seem to be a funny old business." declared the man, scratching the back of his head curiously. "I'm the Doctor. Although, I imagine at least five of you know that already."

"And us." said the Tenth, indicating himself, the Eleventh and the Ninth sulking in the corner. "We're Doctors, too."

"Well, quite the menagerie in here. Uh…why are we all in here, may I ask?" asked the Seventh. The Tenth responded by throwing the psychic paper at him, which the Seventh caught.

"Blimey! What's this gizmo then?" the Seventh enquired again, looking it over in fascination.

"Psychic paper." explained the Tenth. "There's an explanation on there of what's been going on. Thought it would save time for the last three."

"Just the original and...Eight, must be, to go." said the Fourth, looking at the door for the new arrival.

"Taking their sweet time. Why do we keep arriving at such random intervals?" asked the Ninth, moving back over to the door.

"Well, if we're all being pulled out of our time streams, then it must be fairly erratic." suggested the Fifth. "Time transporters are hardly reliable. UNIT, or whoever is behind this, is probably waiting just the same as we are for the last two."

Each Doctor sighed in irritation and the long silence began. Some paced up and down, some played with items in their pockets and some talked to other incarnations about their adventures. The Fourth alone merely sat eating jelly babies and staring into space.

"How do we know you're the Eleventh?" asked the Sixth to the Eleventh, who was conversing with the Tenth.

"Oh, leave it out, Six." groaned the Tenth, trying to wish the Sixth away.

"No, think about it!" insisted the Sixth, encroaching on the Eleventh. "All we have to go on that he is a Doctor is this man's word. He says he's the most recent to explain why none of us recognize him! He could be the Master for all we know or a Dalek clone!"

"Are you thick or what?" growled the Ninth, again annoyed by the Sixth's antics.

"And how do we even know you're the Ninth of us?" the Sixth said, now attacking the Ninth.

"Because he is!" said the Tenth and the Eleventh together.

"How do we know everyone in here is actually a Doctor?" asked the Sixth, his eyes wide with accusation. "Maybe one of us is a fake! Sent to kill the other Doctors! What if they've already got our companions and we're next?"

"Well…I suppose it's possible." admitted the Fourth, munching on another jelly baby.

"We have to check!" the Sixth concluded, pointing at the Ninth. "What is the Doctor's favourite colour?"

"Not that!" grinned the Ninth, pointing at the Sixth's coat, much to the amusement of the other Doctors.

"Answer me!"

"It's the colour of a Tekendian sunset. Hasn't got a name because it can only be seen on Tekendia. Satisfied?" answered the Ninth, who stuck out his tongue at the Sixth when he turned his back to point at the Third.

"What is the Doctor's favourite planet, apart from the Earth?"

"Skaro." answered the Third sarcastically, causing hysterics from the other Doctors.

"Answer me now!" screeched the Sixth, thoroughly annoyed the other Doctors were mocking him for trying to save them.

"Trick question. Earth is my favourite. Although, Palaven does the most divine baguettes…"

The next stop for the Sixth was the Tenth, asking him, "Where was the TARDIS parked when the Doctor's granddaughter was attending school in 1963?"

"Totter's Lane." answered the Tenth. The Sixth was about to ask another Doctor a question when the Tenth continued, "Totter's Lane, Skaro." causing every Doctor in the room to shriek with laughter

"IT'S NOT FUNNY! IT'S NOT FUNNY!" the Sixth roared, jumping up and down like a five year old having a tantrum. "WE COULD DIE! STOP LAUGHING OR I'LL-!

"What on Gallifrey is going on in here?" asked a rather old voice from the other end of the room.

"Well, looks like it's going quite well in here!" another, younger voice replied sarcastically.

The Doctors all looked at the two men at the other end of the room, one very old and white-haired and the other brown-haired and youthful. Their final incarnations.

"Well," began the white-haired man, looking at each of the Doctors. "What is it? What do you want?"


	6. The Expertise of Youth

Chapter Six: The Expertise of Youth

**On my computer, the files for this story are numbered whouffle1, whouffle 2, whouffle 3 etc. **

**...Just thought you might want to know.**

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The old man and his younger(in appearance, at least)counterpart stood in front of the door, as each Doctor stared in an almost kind of awe, especially at the old man.

"What do you want?" the white-haired gentleman repeated, looking very mystified now.

"Do you know why we're in 'ere? Mickey Smith's my name." said the Tenth, in a fake cockney accent, trying his hardest not to grin. "I was just down the…chippy, when this great big blue light comes down and I ends up here! It's bonkers is what it is! I'm missing the football!"

"What on Earth-? OW!" squealed the Sixth, as the Ninth punched him in the arm, catching on himself.

"Da." the Ninth said, stepping forward. "I am Vladimir…Putin…ovsky. Putinovsky. I was…in Moscow having a meeting with Vladimir….Putin. And I was beamed here by big, blue light. It is very strange."

"And ma name is Jamie McCrimmon." announced the Eleventh, also stepping forward. The Second smiled slightly at the impersonation. "I was just running around the Highlands slaughtering English when this magic blue light beamed down and took me away. They even got rid of ma kilt and dressed me in these pansy clothes! I'm nae happy!"

There was quiet for a moment as everyone watched the First for his reaction, to which he replied, "Ah, well. Nice to meet you three, I suppose. I'm the Doctor and so is he. And how nice to meet me. Number Eight here was showing pictures of my future incarnations."

The Eighth nodded in confirmation and then pointed at the Seventh. "I'm afraid your regeneration didn't go so well. Let's just say I now have a profound fear of hospitals."

"Oh, dear! Well, now I'm going to be utterly terrified throughout the rest of this incarnation!" replied the Seventh, about a tenth seriously.

"What on earth are you wearing, sir?" asked the First, pointing at the Sixth's coat with disgust.

"IT. IS. FASHIONABLE." replied the Sixth with gritted teeth, migrating to the other corner of the room.

"Terribly sorry!" exclaimed the Fourth, strutting over to the First and the Eighth, holding out the bag to them. "Where are my manners? Would you care for a jelly baby?"

The Eighth and First took a jelly baby from the bag and ate it.

"Hold on." began the Second, scratching his head. "The rest of us were thrown in here by ourselves. How come you two came together?"

"Number One here was giving me a lift back to my TARDIS in the nineteenth century. I went to Androvaxi Minor and the TARDIS jumped a time stream by about two thousand years. Luckily, I remembered that I had visited there as a younger man, while Susan was off doing…something, and remembered picking me up from his point of view."

"Wibbly wobbly timey wimey!" the Eleventh and the Tenth grinned together.

"What was that?" asked the First.

"Oh, nuffink, governor!" replied the Tenth.

"Nae, we were just discussing where best to store a haggis for winter! Go on, Doctor!"

"Well," continued the Eighth. "What I don't remember happening is the both of us being transported here somehow. That's all I know, I'm afraid."

"Well, all us are here now." the Fifth stated. "So, UNIT ,or whoever has trapped us here, is going to show up soon to do whatever it is they plan to do."

"Those three are Doctors as well! OW!" the Sixth announced, indicating the Ninth, Tenth and Eleventh, before he was hit in the arm again by the Ninth.

"Oh, yes. I knew that the moment I arrived." dismissed the First, with a wave of his hand.

"What?" the Ninth, Tenth and Eleventh blurted out in surprise.

"Oh, yes. It was quite obvious." continued the First. "Why would this UNIT capture every incarnation of me and then a Russian, some idiot layabout and a Scottish savage? Your little ruse was paper-thin."

The Ninth, Tenth and Eleventh then all pulled sulky faces, as they witnessed their plan crumbling around them.

"Who is this UNIT, anyway?" asked the First to the entire room.

"United Nations Intelligence Taskforce." answered every Doctor from Second to Ninth.

"UNIFIED Intelligence Taskforce now, actually." the Tenth corrected and the Eleventh nodded in agreement.

"Unified Intelligence Taskforce? That's just stupid!" declared the Ninth.

"That's what I said at the meeting…" replied the Tenth, pulling a sort of mock grimace.

"Have any of you buffoons actually even attempted to escape from this UNIT yet?" groaned the First, already becoming annoyed with the rest of his incarnations.

"Well, when I arrived…" began the Fifth but he was swiftly cut off by the Tenth.

"We've tried a few things, yes, but none of them have worked so far. Perhaps we need the expertise of youth?"

"Quite right." replied the First, walking over to the piece of wall that acted as the door and beginning to examine it. He tapped it a few times. Then he knocked. He crouched down and checked for a gap underneath. He then tapped it again.

"Having some trouble there, Doctor?" called the Eleventh, as every other Doctor in the room attempted to hide their laughter.

"No!" the First called back, furiously checking the door for any weaknesses and becoming more and more irritated.

Eventually, he gave up and marched back over to the Doctors, his face bright red with anger.

"Right! Somebody show me the real door because there is no way that door opens!"

The door opened and several UNIT troopers came marching in, holding assault rifles. They formed two lines, leaving space for another man to come through, wearing the uniform of a general.

"Doctors, we've been expecting you."


	7. A Nice Suprise

Chapter Seven: A Nice Surprise

The room was tense and silent. The Doctors stood on the opposing side of the room from the UNIT troops and the general, backed up against the wall. In their heads, they would all like to pretend they had an epic, genius plan to escape but, in reality, none of them had a clue what to do if UNIT decided to shoot them all.

"Happy anniversary!" the general smiled, amused at the fearful, although now more confused, faces of all the Doctors.

"Y'what?" asked the Ninth, stepping forward slightly.

"Today is your fiftieth anniversary of welcoming humans aboard the TARDIS. We checked through the history books and with your companions. The first time you took Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright with you was on November 23rd 1963! And we're here to celebrate it!" explained the General, stepping aside to reveal a huge, TARDIS-shaped birthday cake being carried into the room by Jamie and Sarah Jane. Every companion the Doctor had been currently travelling with, much to all the Doctors' delight, flooded into the room and greeted their respective Doctor.

"Hang on a minute!" called the Tenth across the room. "If this is just a big anniversary party for us all, then why did you have to throw us in here? Emphasis on throw, General!"

"Call me Baxter," he replied, glancing at the UNIT commandoes, who remained stone-faced as everyone else rejoiced. "And we couldn't have you spoiling the surprise! Unfortunately, UNIT commandoes don't really know how to be gentle, I'm afraid!"

"Well, what about that transport technology? UNIT doesn't have that technology in…2013!" said the Second.

"Oh, please, Doctor," scoffed the General. "We had your latest companion grab it from the TARDIS."

At that moment, Clara Oswald stepped into the room, smiling and waving.

"Hi, Doctors and everyone else! Number Twelve sends their regards. I'd tell you him or her but…spoilers." she grinned, winking on the last word at the Eleventh.

"Blimey, you get around, don't you?" said the Tenth, raising his eyebrows at the Eleventh. The Eleventh responded with a vague, "Shut up." in Ten's general direction.

"And we only had limited trips on the transporter, so we could only get the first eleven of you. Also, Twelve informed us we could only have eleven incarnations here because it was a fixed point or something. Dropped Miss Clara off and left."

"Right, come on! That's enough plot-hole insulation for now! Let's party! Anyone for a jelly baby?" called the Fourth, much to the joy of everyone.

* * *

Five hours later, the party was beginning to wind down. The Doctors and their companions were strewn across the room like discarded rubbish, some of them groaning at the amount of alcohol, cake or jelly babies they had ingested.

"I'd better make sure she gets home safe!" grinned a tipsy Jack Harkness, wandering over towards a passed out Clara.

"Stop it." demanded the Ninth, slumped on a nearby chair with cake around his mouth.

"RORY! WOOOO!" screamed Amy, her arm around Rory, the Eleventh doing the same thing.

"THE LAST CENTURION! YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!" hollered the Eleventh, drunkenly pouring punch over Roy's head.

"I hate you both…" muttered Rory, as his head was drenched.

"It's a funny old business, time." slurred the Seventh to the Eighth, who nodded in drunken agreement.

"Yesh. Indeed…*hic*…it is. Yesh, indeed." the Eighth hiccupped back.

"Come on, Professor!" whined Ace, tugging on the Seventh's arm like a five year old. "I'm booored now! Let's go!"

"I'M NOT THE PROFESSOR, FOR RASSILON'S SAKE!" yelled the Seventh, turning to face Ace. "I'M THE DOC-!"

The rest of his sentence was cut off by the stream of vomit that violently exited his mouth, causing the Eighth to laugh hysterically and Ace to scream in horror as her favourite jacket was ruined.

The First and the Sixth sat on the side-lines, watching the rest of their incarnations and companions make fools of themselves.

"You know, you and me have a lot of things in common." said the Sixth, realizing they were pretty much the only people in the room not intoxicated.

"Well, not everything. There's one big difference" replied the First.

"Oh, what's that?"

"I'm liked."

The Tenth had Donna's sleeve by one hand, much to Donna's annoyance, as he slurred out some honest advice.

"Donna. You must…must promise me that…you will always take a banana to a party. Bananas are…good." he grinned, Donna having to keep him from falling over, "Promise me you will, Donna!"

"I promise." sighed Donna, her eyes rolling and the Tenth let go of her sleeve, pointing forward.

"Excellent! ALLONS-Y!" he bellowed triumphantly, before falling flat on his face.

"Sarah? Would you care for a jelly baby?" asked the Fourth, holding out the empty bag to his increasingly irritated companion.

"No." Sarah Jane grunted, staring straight ahead

"And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day!" the Second, Third, Fifth and Jamie McCrimmon were all attempting to sing, as they crashed into Adric and sent him flying to the floor.

"DOCTORS!" yelled Baxter over the cacophony of the after, after-party. Everyone stopped their shenanigans and turned to look at him, apart from the Seventh, who was still throwing up.

"I'm afraid I will have to return you all to your timelines now and wipe your memories! Otherwise, the vortex will collapse in on itself and it's barely holding together as it is! Farewell!"

The Doctors began to protest but a bright, blue light blinded everyone in the room. When it cleared, all the Doctors and companions, except for the Eleventh, had gone and several things they had been holding dropped to the ground.

"Hey…" slurred the Eleventh, moving in a zig-zag pattern towards Baxter. "This isn't the TARDIS. Is it? It's bigger on the inside…"

"You're the most recent one and can keep your memories. Something Twelve said about…keeping the timeline in order or something."

"YAY!" the Eleventh cheered, tripping over into Baxter's arms.

"Your TARDIS is just here, Doctor." said Baxter, indicating the blue box that had appeared as the others had disappeared.

"Brilliant!" yelled the Doctor again, drunkenly shoving the TARDIS key in the lock. After missing a few times, he eventually got the door open and called back, "Bye, bye, Alistair! It's been great!"

"No, I'm not-!" Baxter began but he was cut off by the door slamming shut and, a few seconds later, the TARDIS dematerialising.

A single UNIT trooper marched into the room and stood to attention in front of Baxter, saluting as he did so.

"Sir!"

"What are you here for? They've all gone now."

"The Brigadier assigned me to guard you at all times, sir! New regulations!"

"I'm afraid I won't be able to comply, trooper."

"Uh…" stuttered the guard. "Well…you have to, sir. Orders from the top."

"Ah, yes…" smiled Baxter, stepping towards the guard. "But you see...I already have a guard."

Baxter snapped his fingers and the most hated and the most hateful creature rolled into the room, its gun fixed on the trooper.

"And I'm afraid General Baxter has been dead for a long time."

The trooper fired at the Dalek but the bullets had no effect. The Dalek aimed its shot, as the trooper struggled desperately to reload.

"My name…is the Master."

"EXTERMINATE!"

* * *

**DOOOOOOO! DUM DUM DUM DUM, DUM DUM DUM DUM, DUM DUM DUM DUM etc.**

***cue epic announcer voice* **

**Coming Soon! The epic sequel to this story! Me, Myself and Who 2: The Resurrection, Reveangance, Retribution and Judgement Day!**

**Well, probably not that but there will be a sequel. It'll be a more serious 'this story' basically. Well, as serious as I can write Doctor Who, anyway. **

**I just want to thank everyone who read this, favourited it and followed it. It really means a lot. Thanks guys and I'll see you next time!**


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